Ok, how did I manage to make a short post about being drunk and then get teenagers to start following me?

Let me tell you something, kids. I’m in my 30s. When I was 8, I went to my first funeral. My dad’s cousin was killed by a drunk driver. Husband and wife, gone in an instant. I should restate that: mother and father, gone in an instant. Their surviving kid was younger than my little sister. I had never felt so bad for a single person until that day. 8 years old and I had to think of what life would be like without my parents. It’s a little traumatizing. I imagine it was more traumatizing for the kid who actually lost his parents. Anyway, that, and a few encounters with a violent drunk, caused me to avoid alcohol until I was 20. A fortunate side effect of this is that I have a very low tolerance. This is also a consequence of being in my 30s. My tolerance was higher when I was 25. Now I can get drunk while splitting a bottle of wine or two with my fiancée.

Ok, maybe that’s not convincing. Let me tell you something that should scare everyone away from drinking: I got drunk one night and woke up next to David Hasselhoff. I know. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. It is probably the single most humiliating thing I can admit to. I had one too many beers while sitting at my computer. Then, I got on iTunes. The details are kind of fuzzy, but the receipt in my inbox was clear. I purchased the first season of Knight Rider and watched the first two episodes.

I promise, alcohol will make you do things you regret.

Besides, it’s much better when you can brew your own beer.